a couple people i love dearly just parted ways as lovers. it happens. as has been the case with every relationship end i've ever seen, one person is left in much greater emotional pain than the other. this one person is hurting. i feel for them. and for the life of me, i would not take away their pain. nope.
i made a comment to a couple comrades today - if food sickness doesn't count, and i'm not sure it does, then i hadn't been sick since april 2009.
my love passed on to me some type of flu then. possibly swine flu. who cares the strain - they're all really the same.
23 months of no confirmed sickness. until a few days ago, when i fell prey to a 24 hr flu.
sure, i have been living overall very well throughout this time period. wellness as gauged by me and me alone, mind you. still, that's life, in kant's nutshell - perspective.
i've also been actively without 1 key typical component during this time of wellness - romantic love.
20 or 21 months since my last relationship.
is it merely a casual relationship between lack of physical sickness and the roller coaster pains and joys associated with romantic love? heartache/heartsickness expressed physiologically as cold/flu/etc?
maybe the vulnerability necessary for real deep love also leaves our immune system more vulnerable?
i dunno.
not that this time has been without heartache. i've felt. strongly. and coped. and felt some more. not being in a relationship, i've found, is a great way to reconcile the relationships that preceded. it hurts like hurt at times. yes, hurts like hurt. and hurt is real. and informative. and lovely.
lovely enough that, without doing anything but feeling the feelings, i was pretty sure recently that i was "in love" with 4 different lovely ladies simultaneously. it happens. i think. i don't really pretend to know love. but i do follow it, and listen to it, and give myself love, which might be why i was feeling that much concurrent love. plus, let;s not forget - i was single.
once prior i coped from love's fallout in a similar way. after my first girlfriend of about 3 years, i remained celibate and relationship free for over a year.
20 or 21 months ago spelled the end of my 4th girlfriend of about 3 years. it's what i do. or have done. it's love. i go "crazy" with it. as maybe all worthwhile lovers do. or maybe that's the spiritual, earthy, poet in me talking.
i don't offhand know how many comic books i've read since i was 19. less than 10 sounds right. 1 or 2 handfulls.
i used to be a huge buffy the vampire slayer fan. cried buckets when the show came to a beautiful conclusion. and faith/eliza dushku became a mental ideal that all girlfriends from that point would have to stand up to, and one up, at least.
my older brother, whom turned me onto buffy, sent me some buffy and buffy related comics via cd. i received them last monday. i don't fuck around. i read 48 comic books in digital form in 7 days.
it was nice. enjoyable ride. fantasy usually is. fantasy catches you even, cause there are hooks, and through those hooks, i cried some more. and smiled and having these old friends back. faith was there.
i also looked forward to the conclusion of the arc.
i knew i hadn't written a blog in this whole comicy time. again - casual relation. i didn't have anything pressing me to write. i had one or 2 ideas, unfleshed out. and i was comfortable in the fantasy world.
fuck comfort.
no comics in hand. off of my nearly-all-consuming job. i sought out the pain of my hurting friend, to offer something better than a fantasy, better than a rebound, better than numbing psychotropics. i offered myself. i offered hugs. i offered some of that crazy perspective thang. without want off payback or return of something. with my defenses down - i've found others respond to me better and will be more genuine the more genuine i am being.
that must be what people mean when they say "crazy." loving somebody just to love them. but i loved doing it. as i got into my car, the cowboy junkies cover of velvet underground's "sweet jane" came on. their bittersweetness spoke to me and i had me my blog.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHRFZFmEq9o
i made a comment to a couple comrades today - if food sickness doesn't count, and i'm not sure it does, then i hadn't been sick since april 2009.
my love passed on to me some type of flu then. possibly swine flu. who cares the strain - they're all really the same.
23 months of no confirmed sickness. until a few days ago, when i fell prey to a 24 hr flu.
sure, i have been living overall very well throughout this time period. wellness as gauged by me and me alone, mind you. still, that's life, in kant's nutshell - perspective.
i've also been actively without 1 key typical component during this time of wellness - romantic love.
20 or 21 months since my last relationship.
is it merely a casual relationship between lack of physical sickness and the roller coaster pains and joys associated with romantic love? heartache/heartsickness expressed physiologically as cold/flu/etc?
maybe the vulnerability necessary for real deep love also leaves our immune system more vulnerable?
i dunno.
not that this time has been without heartache. i've felt. strongly. and coped. and felt some more. not being in a relationship, i've found, is a great way to reconcile the relationships that preceded. it hurts like hurt at times. yes, hurts like hurt. and hurt is real. and informative. and lovely.
lovely enough that, without doing anything but feeling the feelings, i was pretty sure recently that i was "in love" with 4 different lovely ladies simultaneously. it happens. i think. i don't really pretend to know love. but i do follow it, and listen to it, and give myself love, which might be why i was feeling that much concurrent love. plus, let;s not forget - i was single.
once prior i coped from love's fallout in a similar way. after my first girlfriend of about 3 years, i remained celibate and relationship free for over a year.
20 or 21 months ago spelled the end of my 4th girlfriend of about 3 years. it's what i do. or have done. it's love. i go "crazy" with it. as maybe all worthwhile lovers do. or maybe that's the spiritual, earthy, poet in me talking.
i don't offhand know how many comic books i've read since i was 19. less than 10 sounds right. 1 or 2 handfulls.
i used to be a huge buffy the vampire slayer fan. cried buckets when the show came to a beautiful conclusion. and faith/eliza dushku became a mental ideal that all girlfriends from that point would have to stand up to, and one up, at least.
my older brother, whom turned me onto buffy, sent me some buffy and buffy related comics via cd. i received them last monday. i don't fuck around. i read 48 comic books in digital form in 7 days.
it was nice. enjoyable ride. fantasy usually is. fantasy catches you even, cause there are hooks, and through those hooks, i cried some more. and smiled and having these old friends back. faith was there.
i also looked forward to the conclusion of the arc.
i knew i hadn't written a blog in this whole comicy time. again - casual relation. i didn't have anything pressing me to write. i had one or 2 ideas, unfleshed out. and i was comfortable in the fantasy world.
fuck comfort.
no comics in hand. off of my nearly-all-consuming job. i sought out the pain of my hurting friend, to offer something better than a fantasy, better than a rebound, better than numbing psychotropics. i offered myself. i offered hugs. i offered some of that crazy perspective thang. without want off payback or return of something. with my defenses down - i've found others respond to me better and will be more genuine the more genuine i am being.
that must be what people mean when they say "crazy." loving somebody just to love them. but i loved doing it. as i got into my car, the cowboy junkies cover of velvet underground's "sweet jane" came on. their bittersweetness spoke to me and i had me my blog.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHRFZFmEq9o
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