those long term habits. so strong. are they magnifying glasses into the primal? into a universal? it's like my own steppenwolf, at my door, knocking, huffing, puffing, laughing, sneering; i gave up wishing years ago, yet i find myself honing in on "how i wish, i wish you were here."
i want outcomes. my outcomes. present circumstances of my choosing...or something like that. doubt. and questions. and an active block from the best place to answer those questions - inside, me, in my quiet, calm, conscience. nibbling on my nails detracts. inositol is not the answer. deep breaths help. truthful, quality thoughts. maybe a new positive habit, like smoking pot. or maybe some unknown, unseen is necessary to fend off an unseen force like anxiety - maybe i need to learn to not think. and to take an internal peace and satisfaction to a level i have yet to know for very long
i want outcomes. my outcomes. present circumstances of my choosing...or something like that. doubt. and questions. and an active block from the best place to answer those questions - inside, me, in my quiet, calm, conscience. nibbling on my nails detracts. inositol is not the answer. deep breaths help. truthful, quality thoughts. maybe a new positive habit, like smoking pot. or maybe some unknown, unseen is necessary to fend off an unseen force like anxiety - maybe i need to learn to not think. and to take an internal peace and satisfaction to a level i have yet to know for very long
"a life focused on what you're going to 'get' is always less abundant than life focused on what you can 'give'"
ReplyDelete