not because of the silly rapture talk. nono. or not directly, at least. i might be somewhat anxious about the dna and future for humanity based on how many people seem to believe in sill crap like this rapture.
my current anxiety has more to do with being exactly where i want to be in this world and simultaneously not being there/not being pleased about being here. i'm elsewhere in my mind: chicago, south america, australia. motorcycling, surfing, writing, creating, making whoopie. all the while, i'm cognizant about being where i've placed myself: the northeast, amongst friends, at a job i often fight with myself to commit to, and in a mental state uniform with a lack of regret and a continual embracing joy of where i am.
i've also drank an overdose level of caffeine today. and begun, anew, gnawing on a couple nails. nails that were part of the first real set of healthy looking nails i've produced in years upon years. then i had to fuck that up. and of course, biting my nails actively brings about immense anxiety for me. it has for as long as i recall biting my nails. which is over 30 years at this point.
i'd been putting myself under a lot of stress. and managing it mostly well. maybe not well enough.
those long-term habits - they're a bitch. not impossible by any means. but tricky. tricksy. and in need of me directing some quality attention to. more quality than the quality attention i have been. cause i have. while also kinda setting myself up for potential failures in numerous areas, barking up some trees i needn't be scoping. so naturally i scope. and muddy my vision.
my current anxiety has more to do with being exactly where i want to be in this world and simultaneously not being there/not being pleased about being here. i'm elsewhere in my mind: chicago, south america, australia. motorcycling, surfing, writing, creating, making whoopie. all the while, i'm cognizant about being where i've placed myself: the northeast, amongst friends, at a job i often fight with myself to commit to, and in a mental state uniform with a lack of regret and a continual embracing joy of where i am.
i've also drank an overdose level of caffeine today. and begun, anew, gnawing on a couple nails. nails that were part of the first real set of healthy looking nails i've produced in years upon years. then i had to fuck that up. and of course, biting my nails actively brings about immense anxiety for me. it has for as long as i recall biting my nails. which is over 30 years at this point.
i'd been putting myself under a lot of stress. and managing it mostly well. maybe not well enough.
those long-term habits - they're a bitch. not impossible by any means. but tricky. tricksy. and in need of me directing some quality attention to. more quality than the quality attention i have been. cause i have. while also kinda setting myself up for potential failures in numerous areas, barking up some trees i needn't be scoping. so naturally i scope. and muddy my vision.
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