this is not stream of consciousness - i don't think anybody has ever read stream of consciousness because i think that idea is only conceptual as of yet, with a few quality impressions of what it's like, but which still don;t approach the immense complexity of our thought patterns and tangents and influences and causes and (re)actions et al.
i did a bunch of off-handed vegetable cutting today. not as easy as it might sound, off-hand.
i do often and perhaps always look to make the most quality decisions possible at that time.
i think i could be/have potential to be the greatest human being that ever lived; i think you do, too.
i guilt myself still. a lot.
some very human things i've done recently that i guilted myself over: looking for attention and approval for something i did, missing friends and family, putting in notice that i'm taking my 1st day off here in 3 weeks and that i'm very likely leaving this spot in costa rica for another where the beauty trumps 1 room orosi living like a jack-o-spades in euchre and those damned 2's in asshole, spending money, being angry, and a few other things. it's a part of my historical process. i tend to work through most everything and come out smooth an easy about the past and where i am and my outlook, and yet, i know that i could probably save myself a whole lot of trouble. i'm very open to any tips on not going to a guilting place.
i don't understand why guilting is not recognized by online dictionaries, except for my word processor dictionary, where i added it as a word.
listened to much needed "sky blue sky" and "from a basement on a hill" today
that came after i made a wonderful choice - i overruled the decision i had laid out to not puff some pot and took one very decent toke off a joint.
whence i saw that wilco album in my computerized digital collection, it was an overwhelming choice for my coreyogataistretchpushupmeditation workout
i was constructing this blog from that point on. and it may not have come together if i hadn't decided about 30 minutes ago to just write the main points i wanted to cover and dismiss a bunch of interplay/interpretation/in-depth what have's and what not's in regards to decisions and choices and actions.
i wanted to have music included from right about the time i pressed play. as i just searched a number of wilco attempts at "what light," this one stuck out - it was at the riv - i love the riv, and i am viewer 8,888 of this song. 8 repeating! ahhh sweet infinity. are you 8,889? plus there's currently 13 likes - love that number, too. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5N1Rpxtmw4
all in all, i'm not a huge fan of trading one habit for another, but i'm now considering trading away coffee for mary jane as i go off to my next abode, where i plan to have an incredible book writing/editing output.
enter sly grin.
i think i'd make approximately the same amount of quality choices whether i never spoke to anybody ever again, remained in communication with many, a few, or even just the stray dogs that call the streets and mountains of my new home, home.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjFaenf1T-Y - ed sharpe, etc. i'm travelling alone and have questioned the concept of home for longer than i really know, so bear with me. great song, i may be a great romantic still in search of a great time-warping love.
i felt an altogether different kind of loneliness than i tend to think of when i hear loneliness referenced and still it's the closest i've got to define it. i partially credit a couple years of avoiding and turning away from physical intimacy and relationships and sex and such as a culprit for this newish feeling.
i've got a book to write and lots of experiences to be had and buying drinks and food and post-coitus cuddling and playing "let's get to know each other" are all very time consuming.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ru67U0eyOGw - awesome song. and album.
i'm not looking to get lost, but i will if i need to.
i'm a spitfire - the bridges may burn just cause of my presence.
i'm looking to find something that perhaps has never been found, maybe only found by a few, sensed by many or all. i'll explore the depths, determined. not unlike a trekkies experience except this revolves around an internal universe(s)
and i'll put it all out there. otherwise, i'm only sharing fragments. i'm pleased to allow the world to see my multiple and varied fragments.
stories are not necessarily complete stories. this blog is not a complete story, let alone any of its entries, and yet it's easy to take them as such.
i burned a few bridges in maine/new hampshire. fuck all if that's gonna keep you from actively being a friend to me. i talk to a very few people from out there these days. i miss and think fondly on the rest.
when i've had quality spurts of writing, i was in very beautiful areas.
i am angling towards the beauty.
inward and outward
exhale and deep breath
i did a bunch of off-handed vegetable cutting today. not as easy as it might sound, off-hand.
i do often and perhaps always look to make the most quality decisions possible at that time.
i think i could be/have potential to be the greatest human being that ever lived; i think you do, too.
i guilt myself still. a lot.
some very human things i've done recently that i guilted myself over: looking for attention and approval for something i did, missing friends and family, putting in notice that i'm taking my 1st day off here in 3 weeks and that i'm very likely leaving this spot in costa rica for another where the beauty trumps 1 room orosi living like a jack-o-spades in euchre and those damned 2's in asshole, spending money, being angry, and a few other things. it's a part of my historical process. i tend to work through most everything and come out smooth an easy about the past and where i am and my outlook, and yet, i know that i could probably save myself a whole lot of trouble. i'm very open to any tips on not going to a guilting place.
i don't understand why guilting is not recognized by online dictionaries, except for my word processor dictionary, where i added it as a word.
listened to much needed "sky blue sky" and "from a basement on a hill" today
that came after i made a wonderful choice - i overruled the decision i had laid out to not puff some pot and took one very decent toke off a joint.
whence i saw that wilco album in my computerized digital collection, it was an overwhelming choice for my coreyogataistretchpushupmeditation workout
i was constructing this blog from that point on. and it may not have come together if i hadn't decided about 30 minutes ago to just write the main points i wanted to cover and dismiss a bunch of interplay/interpretation/in-depth what have's and what not's in regards to decisions and choices and actions.
i wanted to have music included from right about the time i pressed play. as i just searched a number of wilco attempts at "what light," this one stuck out - it was at the riv - i love the riv, and i am viewer 8,888 of this song. 8 repeating! ahhh sweet infinity. are you 8,889? plus there's currently 13 likes - love that number, too. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5N1Rpxtmw4
all in all, i'm not a huge fan of trading one habit for another, but i'm now considering trading away coffee for mary jane as i go off to my next abode, where i plan to have an incredible book writing/editing output.
enter sly grin.
i think i'd make approximately the same amount of quality choices whether i never spoke to anybody ever again, remained in communication with many, a few, or even just the stray dogs that call the streets and mountains of my new home, home.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjFaenf1T-Y - ed sharpe, etc. i'm travelling alone and have questioned the concept of home for longer than i really know, so bear with me. great song, i may be a great romantic still in search of a great time-warping love.
i felt an altogether different kind of loneliness than i tend to think of when i hear loneliness referenced and still it's the closest i've got to define it. i partially credit a couple years of avoiding and turning away from physical intimacy and relationships and sex and such as a culprit for this newish feeling.
i've got a book to write and lots of experiences to be had and buying drinks and food and post-coitus cuddling and playing "let's get to know each other" are all very time consuming.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ru67U0eyOGw - awesome song. and album.
i'm not looking to get lost, but i will if i need to.
i'm a spitfire - the bridges may burn just cause of my presence.
i'm looking to find something that perhaps has never been found, maybe only found by a few, sensed by many or all. i'll explore the depths, determined. not unlike a trekkies experience except this revolves around an internal universe(s)
and i'll put it all out there. otherwise, i'm only sharing fragments. i'm pleased to allow the world to see my multiple and varied fragments.
stories are not necessarily complete stories. this blog is not a complete story, let alone any of its entries, and yet it's easy to take them as such.
i burned a few bridges in maine/new hampshire. fuck all if that's gonna keep you from actively being a friend to me. i talk to a very few people from out there these days. i miss and think fondly on the rest.
when i've had quality spurts of writing, i was in very beautiful areas.
i am angling towards the beauty.
inward and outward
exhale and deep breath
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