Big loves on and off my rainbow walking path

i almost bought a cheap little guitar from a street peddler this afternoon.  within a couple days of travel, it probably would have looked like an old beat up road weary instrument of questionable beauty.  i passed on it and went for sunglasses and paintings instead. 

see, i had just tied up most of my recent stress-inducing, lingering loose ends and decided that I would not be staying at my treehouse work abode for longer than my commitment, which was through today.  tomorrow being leaving day, i took advantage of a brief amount of free-time in granada and made some purchases benefiting both buyer and seller alike.

it's not just here i'm leaving, but also the single solo road.  a road that has brought me much reward by merely putting myself in certain positions and making my life up daily.  many folks over the past 8 months heard how the song "Rainbow" had become my road song.  well, now it'll just be a beautiful song.  and one whose meaning has changed significantly.

Rainbow -  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CY9bfOULZtc

not too long ago, the lyrics, "where I go, I don't know, but I guess I's gots to go" spoke of a constant to me.  a no longer scary constant.  a beautiful constant.  a creative constant.  a blister and callus-toed constant.  and though I knew I was walking a path where truth, love, and beauty (they are equals) were the constants I would follow and abide as I recognized them, they often took the form of self-love, beautiful vistas, and dream actualization.  I will continue to use truth, love, and beauty as my constant guides - thus, new paintings to hang in my near future abodes - something else has been altered, something that allowed me to know exactly where I am going.

in the last two months, the largest change in my life has been how I viewed home and what I was willing to do for said home.  for years, basically since I left my Chicago hometown, home has merely been wherever i found myself.  i attributed no special difference in significance between an apartment or a dive motel or a tent 1K or 3K's up a mountain, other than the mountain air was so much more delicious.  even more delicious is the love shared between the woman whose love I now call home.

yes, i have been in love.  and relationships.  lots of them for lots of time.  i have considered myself love's bitch.  i likely still am.  and yet and yet. 

now i have a woman i share something with that i will gladly spend my life understanding and explaining and defining and sharing and enjoying.  something storybook made real.  something so real that she and i marvel and bask and cry and share it and learn from it and grow deeper with it as a near constant.  we've recently referred to it as Big loves.  what we share goes by many names.  one is home.

Home -  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHEOF_rcND8&ob=av2n

with her, with the woman i could shed joyful tears on the spot from merely a thinking of her, i have the home i've been searching through the infinite intricacies of infinity for.  we share it wherever we are.  maybe we share it on every plane of every aspect of life and universes and absolutes.  tomorrow, after two months of growing beautifully together while physically apart, I walk with and to love, culminating with an arrival in New York, where I will settle for awhile, with my love.  from there, we continue building up our loving foundation.

I'll still listen to "Rainbow."  It's a great tune.  Esta bien.  And I have an equally beautiful song, one which I heard almost 6 weeks ago exactly while waiting for the ferry off Ometepe island and recognized with certain intuitive clarity that home was not what I thought, but rather what i wrote above and what i feel within, as a constant.  this home, this love, i will tend to and abide.  And now, I'll be able to do it with the woman I have decided to entrust the totality of my heart with, perhaps while holding hands, enjoying beautiful music, and appreciating a rainbow.