it'll be near impossible to explain my 2 1/2 weeks in new york no matter how many words and instances i write about.
a couple large dreams have been crushed.
3 1/2 night long relationship status change; considering i didn't get off the plan till after 11 pm and the official particulars culminating in a loving embrace weren't exchanged for a bit, 3 1/2 nights rather than 4 sounds correct. the facebook world at large was not informed of our change and change backs.
kicked out of her place
denied certain needs by friends
new computer
broke
brokenness
cash money difficult to come by because i have no residence, a residence difficult to come by cause i have no cash money coming in
1 day of cash money making as a "promoter" for a swinger's party
i got a lil hair trim for the first time in approximately 2 years
hurt and pain and love and tears and numerous train rides and city walking and sidewalk sleeping and yogic clarity and hearing outsider's scoff that yog's are in general bonkers and thus their clarity is just as bonkers; i still have plans to become a certified yog.
seeing the woman i loved (love) as one of the most actively troubled people i've ever known, social work jobs withstanding, and continuing to love because it's love love love
yes, like attracts like, so maybe i, too, am bonkers
an hour +/- of the posting time for this, it'll be 2 weeks since big lovzies miriam and i ceased to be bf/gf.
an hour or so ago, we basically decided we may never speak again.
i don't believe in irreconcilable differences and yet i find myself in something very akin
i'd given up on NY a cpl days ago. felt like nearly everything coming my way directed me to get the hell out. maybe the hell is now out. i'm not convinced i will be taking my greyhound express 17.5 hr wifi bus ride in the next cpl days - how would be able to see the NYC museums and such i didn't see when i lived on LI?
i'll take a little help from a friend, give much help myself, and maybe, just maybe, brooklyn will become the replacement home after eviction from miriam's heart.
and still, i may be off in a couple days. i have that choice.
and there's so much more, so much, as this writing only hints at a major difference between living and working in the US vs latin america, walking solo vs living duo, 1st cell phone in over 8 months, the various love's and relationships i have revolving around this metropolitan area, and the 1,000's of "I <3 NY" t-shirts i've come across and the 0 t-shirt's i've seen draped over NY with exclamations of it loving it's citizens and new immigrants.
and pins n needles pins n needles and
perspectives and thoughts and realities and words and timing not aligning even when hearts may perfectly align
I'd wear a shirt that said, "does NY love me?"
i'd need no shirt to know how to love myself, and that i do, well, and thankfully at times like this.
lest anyone wonder - no regrets and i'd do it all again. imo, that is beauty
all this i swallow, it tastes good, i like it well, it becomes mine, i am the man, i suffer'd, i was there - w. whitman
a couple large dreams have been crushed.
3 1/2 night long relationship status change; considering i didn't get off the plan till after 11 pm and the official particulars culminating in a loving embrace weren't exchanged for a bit, 3 1/2 nights rather than 4 sounds correct. the facebook world at large was not informed of our change and change backs.
kicked out of her place
denied certain needs by friends
new computer
broke
brokenness
cash money difficult to come by because i have no residence, a residence difficult to come by cause i have no cash money coming in
1 day of cash money making as a "promoter" for a swinger's party
i got a lil hair trim for the first time in approximately 2 years
hurt and pain and love and tears and numerous train rides and city walking and sidewalk sleeping and yogic clarity and hearing outsider's scoff that yog's are in general bonkers and thus their clarity is just as bonkers; i still have plans to become a certified yog.
seeing the woman i loved (love) as one of the most actively troubled people i've ever known, social work jobs withstanding, and continuing to love because it's love love love
yes, like attracts like, so maybe i, too, am bonkers
an hour +/- of the posting time for this, it'll be 2 weeks since big lovzies miriam and i ceased to be bf/gf.
an hour or so ago, we basically decided we may never speak again.
i don't believe in irreconcilable differences and yet i find myself in something very akin
i'd given up on NY a cpl days ago. felt like nearly everything coming my way directed me to get the hell out. maybe the hell is now out. i'm not convinced i will be taking my greyhound express 17.5 hr wifi bus ride in the next cpl days - how would be able to see the NYC museums and such i didn't see when i lived on LI?
i'll take a little help from a friend, give much help myself, and maybe, just maybe, brooklyn will become the replacement home after eviction from miriam's heart.
and still, i may be off in a couple days. i have that choice.
and there's so much more, so much, as this writing only hints at a major difference between living and working in the US vs latin america, walking solo vs living duo, 1st cell phone in over 8 months, the various love's and relationships i have revolving around this metropolitan area, and the 1,000's of "I <3 NY" t-shirts i've come across and the 0 t-shirt's i've seen draped over NY with exclamations of it loving it's citizens and new immigrants.
and pins n needles pins n needles and
perspectives and thoughts and realities and words and timing not aligning even when hearts may perfectly align
I'd wear a shirt that said, "does NY love me?"
i'd need no shirt to know how to love myself, and that i do, well, and thankfully at times like this.
lest anyone wonder - no regrets and i'd do it all again. imo, that is beauty
all this i swallow, it tastes good, i like it well, it becomes mine, i am the man, i suffer'd, i was there - w. whitman
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